Recognizing Conflict

In my first post, we looked at defining conflict. We explored the idea that conflict was not confined to the time when parties are in confrontation, and that it has often been occurring well before a crisis point is reached. If that is the case then why doesn't the encounter happen sooner?

There are two aspects to recognizing conflict. The first aspect is awareness. Simply put, we aren't always aware that we are in a conflict. Some people are more socially aware, and are naturally adept at spotting the conflicts that involve them. Others are not as aware and will not see the conflict until someone points it out to them.

The second aspect of recognizing conflict is admitting that it exists. Too many times, we will deny an issue exists, in the hope that we can avoid having a confrontation. We've all avoided someone because we didn't want to talk about a disagreement that exists. And most of us have "given in" to someone, just so we didn't have to speak up about our own ideas, thoughts, or beliefs. When we refuse to engage in confrontation, we are refusing to recognize the conflict.

So, how do we recognize conflict? For the first aspect, the answer lies in making sure that you are truly listening to what other people are saying. This doesn't mean that you become overly sensitive. It does mean that you use "active listening" techniques. For example...

• Put your cell phone down. Quit texting and looking at cat videos.
• Watch the person that is talking. What subtle cues might you pick up from their body language?
• Listen to the tone of their voice. How does the inflection of their voice change when they talk about certain topics?

As for the second aspect, the best thing you can do is to quit denying that conflict exists. Conflict that is denied often becomes a growing problem, not something that goes away.

Why is it important that we recognize conflict? That will be the topic of next week's post!